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The Ups and Downs

 It's been a few weeks since I last shared anything...it is has been an incredibly busy few weeks. Getting my classroom ready for the new school year, seeing my boy graduate from Boot Camp...which meant flying. 

Flying is another fun activity once you reach a certain weight..... the looks as you walk up the plane to find your seat, secretly using your seatbelt extension so you can buckle up. I am forever thankful and blessed for my husband who was able to read my feelings and help me any way that he could. But I know the looks and I know what they mean when I see them. In fact those looks were put into writing today when I got word from my insurance company about a medication my Dr thought I could try to help with weight loss. It was Ozempic, which is fairly new but has shown good results for weight loss in patients with insulin resistant PCOS (Me)..... My insurance sent me a letter letting me know that because I am "severely morbidly obese due to excess calories" the medication is not seen as medically necessary. I find it interesting that an insurance that I pay a lot to have can tell me what is medically necessary. Some how one would think that was the Dr's job. But alas.... 

Severly Morbidly Obese due to excess calories. That is a lot to read, a lot to take in mentally and emotionally. There are a lot of assumptions being made but it doesn't matter because once you are labeled obese you could have only gotten that way by eating too much. By the way...those looks I talked about in the plane, those are what those looks say. Looks of disgust, looks of pity..."poor girl...can't help herself to stop eating, or poor girl, if she was just more active and cared about herself" 

Reality is I am probably WAY more obsessive about what I eat than most people. I think about how much eat, what I eat and who I am eating with. There are very few people in my life that I am comfortable eating around because I know they love me way more than those who would judge what I am eating. 

But, I refuse to let this part define me. Though today I am sad and will probably cry about it and get really mad...and move on. I am making the changes and trying my hardest. One day I will be writing about my victories, but if I can leave anything for someone reading this: you don't know someone else's story. All you see is the book cover, you have no idea what the struggles are, why things are the way they are. Don't judge. Just don't. 


xoxo

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